


She was the sun

by sciencebee



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Blind Character, Blindness, Dancing, F/F, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, High School, Love at First Sight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-04-12 10:24:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4475816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciencebee/pseuds/sciencebee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cosima Niehaus, a blind senior student, meets the new girl, Delphine Cormier, her life is about to be changed forever. Darkness is suddenly replaced by light, and most importantly, hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. She was the first

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by the movie "The way he looks", but there will be a lot of changes. Writing it was hard, especially when English isn't you're first language and everything you know about this disability comes from the Internet. Therefore, I apologize for any potential mistakes. I will let you read now. Enjoy!

When the alarm rang for the third time that morning, Cosima Niehaus finally got out of her bed. Even though she wished nothing more but to go back to sleep, she felt a positive energy covering her all of a sudden. It was the first day of her senior year in high school and she was determined to make it count.

She had a quick shower and then she began searching for something to wear. Her mother had organized her drawer, so the blind girl could be able to pick the clothes that she wanted to wear. The woman taught her how to combine colors and styles as well. Cosima had a great instinct most of the times though, so her mother's assistance wasn't needed anymore. Now, she opted for a bohemian red blouse, a short black skirt and high boots. Her hair was in perfect dreads that reached the middle of her back. She put her loud bracelets on each hand and was now fully prepared to retun to school.

She went downstais and ate her breakfast in silence, for once her mother not bothering to criticize her twin for her choice of clothing of the day. There was always that banter going around, mostly because Sarah was so much like their mother, Siobhan, the last one hating to admit that Sarah was a clear reflection of her punk years.

“Wow, I can actually hear the birds singing, you two are quiet this morning,”Cosima pointed out, jokingly.

Sarah threw her napkin at her. “I removed my nose ring and there are no holes in this shirt. Mom is soon building me a statue. “

Siobhan sighed. “For once both my daughters look presentable”, their mom snapped back. “I see that boy Cal changed you over summer.”

“Oh he certainly did,” Cosima added, smirking towards Sarah.

“Quiet, nerd. We’re just friends.”

“Friends or not he’s the kind of person I like seeing you hang out with.” Siobhan admitted.

// _...high all the time, to forget I'm missing you..._ //

Cosima answered her phone, embarrassed she still had that song as a ringtone. “Yeah, I’m ready Scottie. I’ll be outside in a minute. “

“I gotta go, Scott’s here. He’s driving me to school. Love you guys." Cosima kissed her mother on the cheek and left the table, the sound of her many bracelets following her.

“They aren't together, right?” Siobhan whispered to Sarah, even though she knew the answer.

Sarah sighed. “She’s not into him. He’s still crushing on her.”

“I see.”

vvv

 

“One more year in this place and we're done,” Scott pointed out and held the car’s door open for Cosima.

She sighed and started fidgeting with her sleeves. “I kind of want to enjoy this year. I know this is a lot, especially coming from me, but I mean it. I’m going to go to all the parties and I’m going to kiss all the wrong people.”

Scott tried to hide the sudden sadness he was feeling, knowing that he’ll never be the “wrong” person. He had been crushing on his best friend ever since they met in primary school. She was beautiful and she loved science just like he did. He felt she was the perfect one for him. The friends almost kissed once, in a state of drunkenness after celebrating Scott’s 16th birthday, but they agreed to never bring that up again.

They headed for the Biology lab, arriving just in time, not thanks to Cosima though. After entering the building, she realized she had forgotten her water bottle in the car. She and Scott were a funny mix, one being always early and the other one, no matter how hard she tried, was unwillingly late.

The two walked to their usual seats, caught up in an intense conversation about the upcoming season of Doctor Who. Thus, they weren't aware their classmate, Mason, was ready to trip Cosima, as he did every time he had a chance. Luckily, Scott gripped her hand just in time, so the embarrassing moment was avoided.

Scott wouldn't let it go so easily though. After making sure his friend was alright, he turned to Mason, "Did you have to do that? Will you ever stop? You're pathetic." Cosima tried to stop him, but he continued. "God I wish you were blind for at least a day to feel what she has to endure every day. And if it weren't enough, you have to make her feel even worse. "

The whole class got quiet, all surprised by Scott's words. Cosima was genuinely moved, but shocked as well. Even the teacher, Mrs. Richardson, stopped at the entrance. She cleared her throat before she headed for her desk. "Scott, Cosima, please occupy your seats. And Mason, go to the principal's office. Now. "

Mason glared at Scott one more time before he obeyed and left with his head down in shame. Not long after this, a girl opened the door.Everyone turned in her direction and Mrs. Robertson stood up and arranged her suit.  "Welcome! I'm Samantha Robertson. Class, this is Delphine Cormier. She's coming all the way from France, I hope you'll be kind to help her accommodate. Please, have a sit, dear."

She walked shyly towards the empty desk behind Cosima's and placed her books neatly on top of it. "Hi," she whispered, leaning closer to Cosima's ear.

Cosima was quick to reply and turned towards her in a sudden movement. "Hello, I'm Cosima", she replied nervously. She was still tense about the earlier incident, but intrigued by this girl's friendliness.

 Soon, the teacher began examining her students' assignments for the summer. Delphine tried to capture Cosima's attention again. "What was your homework?"

"She gave us a 200 questions quiz on the stuff we studied last year. It was pretty easy."

"Can I see it?" Delphine asked curiously.

Cosima shrugged. "I got a different one, being blind and all that. Sorry. "

"No, I should be apologizing.  I didn't know you were..." She somehow couldn't say the word, her guilt evident in the tremor of her voice.

However, the dreadlocked wasn't hurt at all. "It's cool. Most people can't tell I'm blind when I'm not wearing glasses."

Then, something strange happened.  Cosima moved her head to a different angle and the usual blackness dissipated for a second. She could swear she saw a blurry image of Delphine. She couldn't distinguish her facial features though. There were only unclear shapes and washed-out colors. But it was something, unless her brain was playing tricks on her, which was probably the case.

"Are you alright?" Delphine asked her, watching the brunette lost in her thoughts.

Cosima shook her head, laughing at the stupidity. "Yeah. My brain did something funny for a second. I thought I saw something. It's impossible, though."

 Delphine sighed with regret. Luckily, the teacher finally called Cosima's name so the conversation was postponed for later.

vvv

After the bell rang, Scott came by his friend's desk. "I gotta run for practice. Will you be fine on your own after…?" he asked, feeling guilty he had to abandon Cosima, right after the Mason incident.

Cosima squeezed his arm appreciatively. "Scott, we've talked about this. I’ll be just fine. "

"Ok. Call me if you need help or anything."

"Will do. Now go, you will be late. "

Cosima put her books in her purse and searched for her cane. She couldn't find it.

"It's here", Delphine spoke, placing it in Cosima's hand.

Cosima smiled. She didn't even think Delphine was still there, especially after that weird moment. “Thanks. It seems I'm not as good at this as I hoped."

"Don't worry. Sometimes I'd be holding my pen and wonder where it is." They both laughed. "I've never met a blind person before and I think it's fascinating. I mean, you are," she said sincerely.

Cosima had spent her entire life trying to blend in and cut the differences between her and other teenagers. Now, there was this kind girl, with her charming French accent, who saw her in a completely different light. Hearing Delphine speak about her like that was heartwarming.

"Wow, thank you. I’m used to people always being uncomfortable around me. Like, they always speak too loudly or not at all or even worse. And then there are you," she confessed. In that moment Cosima wanted nothing more than to be able see. She wasn't curious about Delphine's looks. All she needed to see were her smile, her emotions, and the way her eyes were probably glowing when she spoke. It was times like this she realized how much her life sucked. Still, she kept these thoughts for herself. Like always. "We should go to our next class. Do you happen to have Physics next?" Cosima said, clearing her voice.

"Oui."

After they exited the classroom, Cosima realized she wouldn't make it to the next class without help. On a corridor full of students rushing to their classes, none of them actually bothering to observe the girl, her cane was useless. Besides, she didn't want to repeat this morning's incident. She searched for Delphine's hand, "May I?"

As a response, Delphine intertwined her fingers with Cosima's. She asked for help with no hidden thought in mind, but touching Delphine's warm and soft hand sent shivers down her spine.  People always held her hand for guidance, so she thought it wouldn't be different this time. Still, her heart had never beaten so fast at the contact with another person's skin. Paralyzed in the moment, she realized Delphine was going to turn her world upside down and there was nothing she could do about it.

 


	2. She was the smell of coffee on a Sunday morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to thank you for the feedback on the last chapter, it was very much appreciated.  
> This one was really fun to write and I hope you will enjoy it! From now on, I will try to update every Thursday, so stick with me.

The first week of school went by without any significant incidents. Both Cosima and Scott were safe from Mason's threats, but it was just a matter of time before the popular boy attacked again. Cosima had to deal with persons like him everywhere. So even if their behaviour was hurtful, she was used to quickly recover and move on.

As for Delphine, she and Cosima reached the friendship level of their relationship. They talked on the phone for hours and every day they sneaked in the school’s garden to have breakfast. In those moments, they discovered important facts about each other. For instance, Cosima found out that Delphine was currently studying in Toronto due to her father’s job. Her parents were divorced and Delphine’s father had sole custody, so Delphine had to leave her country, school and friends and move abroad.

Cosima invited Delphine to her house for the first time on Friday, after school. Delphine met Sarah and Mrs. S, which both seemed very happy that Cosima had a new friend. The girls spent hours talking about everything and nothing and discovered they loved the same genre of books. When the sun went down, Delphine said goodbye and made Cosima promise they’d spent Sunday morning at her place.

Delphine lived alone in a modern three-piece apartment, located in the centre of the city. Her father had decided she was mature enough to have her own place and Delphine considered herself lucky he was financially capable to offer her that luxury.

At around 10.30 am, Cosima showed up at the blonde’s door with a heavy bag in her hand. They were supposed to study together for the first time, one from an actual book and the other one listening to the lessons on her headphones.

First, Delphine suggested they had lemonade on the balcony and Cosima couldn’t say no. She left the dreadlocked alone for a few moments and then she returned with the cold beverages on a plate, along with truffles. Cosima had already made herself comfortable in the cosy room and was currently lying on Delphine’s bed.

“I’m back. I’ve brought some truffles too. I don’t know if you like them or not though," she told Cosima, unable to suppress a smile at the sight.

“I’ve never tried them yet, but I have trust in your French taste,” Cosima said, grinning excitedly, while standing up.

“Bien. You won’t be disappointed”, she replied while guiding Cosima to the balcony.

They drank the lemonades and ate the chocolate in silence. There was that feeling of freedom and pure bliss in the air, which not even school work could destroy. But there was something else too.

"Hey, have you made coffee today?" Cosima asked Delphine, taking a sip from her cold drink.

"I did, right after I woke up. Would you like some? "

"No, I’m not a coffee person. It’s just…the smell is everywhere. In the curtains, in your hair, even in your clothes. You make quite a lot coffee, Miss Cormier."

Delphine blushed, but played along. "I live on coffee. Is that a problem, Miss Niehaus?"

"Not at all. I love it. It's a part of you," Cosima responded, not intending to say the last part out loud. She had managed to keep all her conflicted feelings inside, but every time she was near Delphine she couldn't help herself.  At the same time, she valued their blossoming friendship and realised that it could easily be ruined if she didn't control herself.

Delphine remained quiet for a moment, contemplating Cosima's words. Her friend had a way of always taking her by surprise, but then again, she spoke aloud thoughts that she wanted to keep for herself, too. " We should get back to studying," she took the initiative, the atmosphere between them getting suddenly awkward.

She realised the mistake she'd made and how much it affected Delphine. _I could have just told her that I love her_. _It would've been the same thing. Fuck,_ she thought.  "Fine. Let’s start with Physics. Lorentz is killing me," she said, mentioning the difficult transformations and trying to forget the moment.

Delphine stood up first and offered her hand to Cosima, a usual gesture for them now. But when she felt Delphine's knuckles brush against hers, she moved her hand. "I can do this," she assured Delphine, even though she was sure Delphine saw through her act.

After an hour of studying and none of them actually saying a word, they were still lying on Delphine's fluffy  bed and Cosima, finishing her Physics homework, took out her ear buds and began playing with a near pillow.

"I'm bored", she finally confessed. She hated the tension between them and wanted to get back to where they were before.

Delphine closed her book and got up from the bed, flexing her tense back. "I have an idea."

Judging by Delphine's tone, she seemed more than ready to forgive and forget and Cosima couldn't be more thankful for that. She didn't wait for a second invitation before she was in a standing position as well. "What do you have in mind?" she asked curiously.

Suddenly, the room was filled with rock music. “What’s this?” Cosima asked again, surprised by Delphine’s taste in music. She couldn't say she wasn't starting to like the song though.

“It’s _Just Like Heaven_ by The Cure, ma cherie. Never heard of it?” Cosima shook her head. “It’s the song that always makes me want to dance. Do you want to dance with me?”

In that moment Cosima froze in place. Was she imagining things? She began gesturing with her hands, the nervousness obvious in her movements, trying to convince Delphine to let it go. “I don’t dance,” she lied. Her heart screamed _dance with her_ , but she couldn't let herself lose control again. If a simple hand touch could make her insides scream every time, what would the implications of a dance be?

Still, Delphine wouldn’t take no for an answer and replayed the song. Then, she took Cosima’s hands in hers and began moving slowly as the first lyrics of the song could be heard.

 _Fuck it_ , Cosima thought and started dancing, trying to synchronize her clumsy moves to Delphine’s. “Close your eyes”, she told her.

It felt beautifully strange, dancing together like that, both blind, still holding hands. It looked like a dance between two friends, and Cosima really tried to convince herself it was nothing more than that, but decided to stop denying her affection anymore. She wasn't ready for a five act declaration yet, but at least in her mind things were pretty clear. She was smitten. She was happy. She was alive.

_"You_

_Soft and only_

_You_

_Lost and lonely_

_You_

_Strange as angels_

_Dancing in the deepest oceans_

_Twisting in the water_

_You're just like a dream"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you may remember Evelyne mentioning this song in an AskOB, but that's not the main reason I decided to use it. It felt perfect for the moment so I said "let this be the first song they dance to." I hope it worked. Let me know what you think.


	3. She was the song you can never forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Thursday so here is the next part, as promised. This is more of a filler chapter, but believe me, it was necessary. Enjoy and don't forget to leave me some feedback! x

Wednesday evening found Cosima going to a pub called _The Rebel House_ , where her twin, Sarah, had invited her to celebrate Cal’s 19th birthday. To be honest with herself, she was happy to go there, not necessarily because she felt the need to socialize and have fun, but because she really enjoyed the atmosphere the place provided. There was always that smell of wood and freshly brewed coffee that she adored. The music on the other hand was not really her cup of tea, but she didn’t mind listening to indie songs from now and then.

Cosima arrived 10 minutes late as usual and had to apologize once again, but Sarah and her friends weren’t the critical type. She gave Cal his gift, a few vinyl disks she had found in a vintage store, and then she was introduced to Jesse, Cal’s roommate and colleague. Not long after they ordered their drinks, Sarah’s eccentric best friend and partner in crime, Felix, showed up. Cosima was glad there was another outsider at the table.

They ate pizzas and drank sodas, as only Cal and Jesse had the legal drinking age. When the waiter brought the cake that Sarah had specially ordered, the group started singing “Happy Birthday,” definitely having everyone in the pub turning their attention towards the loud teens.

"Happy Birthday, old man," Sarah told Cal after they stopped singing and kissed him on the lips, causing everyone’s jaws to drop on the floor. Cosima wasn’t as shocked as the rest of them, but she was definitely a bit surprised at the sudden gesture.

"Oh look at the _we're just friends_ lovebirds. It's disgusting," Felix stated, hiding his evident enthusiasm for the punk.

Cosima, however, remained quiet, her mind busy imagining a similar scenario involving a certain French. It wasn't as things changed much since Sunday, but she couldn't help it. For three days in a row, all her dreams consisted in sharing kisses with Delphine in her coffee-scented apartment.

Her attraction for another girl didn’t come as a revelation to Cosima at all. She had been aware of her sexuality for almost two years, even though she hadn’t told anyone about it yet. What surprised her though was the intensity of the feelings she was developing for Delphine.

"Hope you're not mad at me or whatever, Cos," her twin suddenly interrupted her train of thoughts. Cosima needed that reality check.

"No, absolutely not. You guys are free to do whatever you want. Still, keep in mind that if you hurt my sister, Cal, the blind girl will make you pay for it."

They all laughed at that. "I'll keep that in mind," Cal promised.

They were quiet for a few seconds, busy with eating cake and asking Sarah and Cal things about their relationship. At some point, a familiar song burst from the speakers and Cosima dropped her spoon on the plate. It was the song she and Delphine had danced to and her every night’s lullaby.

"God, I hate this song," Felix quickly complained.

In that moment, the dreadlocked girl was very close to snapping at him for ruining the moment, but found the strength to conceal her emotions. "Yeah, cause you'd rather listen to Wham! or God knows what else."

Sarah snickered at that. "No judging, but did you dump electronic for The Cure?” she jokingly asked her sister.

Cosima raised her shoulders, completely unamused. She put on her black glasses and remained distracted for the rest of the evening. She was already feeling awkward; she didn't need them criticizing something that meant so much to her.

They stood in the pub for another half an hour, drinking and smoking. In the end, she gave in and lit a cigarette as well, needing a distraction from the chaos in her mind. 

Outside the pub, Cosima and Sarah waited for their mother to come pick them up. Only then, Sarah realized it was time to interfere. “You sure you’re okay, Cos?”

Cosima knew she had to open up to someone and if that someone couldn't be her best friend Scott, for obvious reasons, she could as well talk to her twin. "I am, it's just...falling in love with the wrong person, you know?" The words surprised her as well.

Sarah sighed and put a hand around her shoulders. "A wrong person? Because it’s a girl?"

Cosima was astonished by her sister's intuition. Or was she so obvious? "No...maybe? Besides, I'm blind. Even if she were attracted to girls as well, would she date a blind one?"

“Cosima, I know you. You wouldn’t fall for someone if that person didn’t give you enough reasons. Delphine probably said or done something that started it all.”

Cosima hated to be on the same page with her sister, but the punk could be right. Her cheeks turned red, remembering that there was actually something Delphine did. "She called me _fascinating_. Right after we met. "

Sarah hugged her shoulders excitedly. "See? By now, she's probably crazy about you."

Cosima just shook her head. To be loved by someone like Delphine would have been a dream come true. But it was nothing but wishful thinking in Cosima’s opinion. "I bet she's also very beautiful..." Cosima commented, absent-mindedly fantasizing.

"She is Cos, and you are too. But haven't you had a chance to ask her about her looks?”

“Oh no. I don’t even know what color her hair is. I always wanted to know, I guess, but it never felt right to ask.”

“Don’t be silly. It’s only fair you get to know how she looks like, too. Shit, mom’s already here,” she added as the black car their mother was driving approached the parking.

Cosima couldn’t help herself and opened her mouth right before getting inside the car. “What color is it though?”

Sarah opened the door for her. “I don’t know...like the sun? Seriously, do what I told you.”

Cosima smiled. She somehow guessed correctly. Delphine was her sun after all.

“What’s like the sun?” Siobhan asked, barging in the conversation.

The sisters laughed. “Nothing, mom.”

vvv

 

Just as she was getting out of the shower, Cosima heard the sound of her phone. She had received a message. It was from Delphine. She smiled.

_I hope you had fun tonight. Would you like to have ice cream and study at my place tomorrow after school?_

There was nothing she wanted more than that. _Sure. Thanks for the invitation. I’ll bring the ice cream. See you tomorrow!_

 _Bonne nuit, Cosima!_ Delphine replied.

_“Sweet dreams!”_

‘Tomorrow is the day’ Cosima thought as she was lying in her bed. She would find out how Delphine looked like and whether her feelings were reciprocated or not. Therefore, she had a long night ahead.


	4. She was a dream come true

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because once when we were walking in the garden, the wind blew your hair and it touched my face. It was so soft and it smelled like vanilla and coffee and you. And ever since that moment, it got stuck in my mind and all I want to do is run my fingers through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Thursday which means that I have a new chapter for you. And eskimo pies. I tried to make up for the lack of Cophine in the previous chapter and also spark your interest a bit for what's to come. Also I won't be updating next week, because I'm going on holiday, but I have no intention of giving up this story, so stay tuned.  
> Tell me what you thought of this chapter, your opinion means more than you could imagine. At the same time, if there's anything you'd like to see next, I'm open to suggestions and ideas.

 

**_“The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. The curves of your lips rewrite history.”_ ** **Oscar Wilde**

vvv

 

“Where did you find this ice cream again?” Delphine asked, opening another _Eskimo Pie_ wrapper.

Cosima smiled proudly. “It’s this store close to my house. But you can pretty much find it everywhere. “

“It’s very good.”

“I turned you into a craven addict, haven’t I?”

“C’ést trés possible. You realize we haven’t studied a thing ever since you got here, right?”

Cosima was hoping Delphine wouldn’t bring that up. Still, she knew one of them had to act maturely and that someone wouldn’t be her. “Ask me anything.”

Delphine rolled her eyes. “What are the spaces between Schwann Cells called?”

“Easy. Nodes of Ranvier. What is homeostasis, Del?”

Delphine thought for a moment. She had been in Canada for only 1 month and it was still hard for her to formulate sentences correctly. “It’s a steady state or balance in all cells, tissues, organs or organisms, right?”

Cosima clapped encouragingly. “Nailed it. This test is going to be a piece of cake.”

“I get it. You don’t want to study. What do you wanna do then?” Delphine asked curiously.

Cosima took a deep breath. There was something she had in mind since the previous day. “I kinda wanna ask you something.”

Delphine arranged a lock of hair that had slipped from her ponytail. “What is it?” she inquired, trying to sound as casual as possible.

Cosima sensed Delphine’s hesitancy and broke down in a nervous laughter. It felt so stupid to ask her that. “I don’t know how you look like, Delphine. It’s hard trying to imagine a face to your voice. And now I realize I haven’t even asked you a question.”

Delphine took her hand in hers, reassuringly. “I should have told you, right? It’s unfair that I know how you look and...” she started, but a tear rolled down her cheek.

Cosima brushed the single tear away with her free hand and squeezed Delphine’s hand harder. “It’s not your fault, please don’t cry. I could’ve asked, but I’m weird like that.

Delphine laughed. “You’re not weird,” she said with a raspy voice. “How should I start?”

Cosima smiled. It was the moment she had dreamed of all night. “I don’t know. Describe yourself as If you were writing a story or whatever.”

 _“_ Bien, I have natural blonde hair, hazel eyes that sometimes look greenish _,_ a birthmark under my lower lip and a very pale face. What else would you like to know?”

Cosima was more than happy with what she got so far, but curiosity got the best of her. “Your hair is curly, right?”

“Yes. How do you know that?”

_Because one time when we were walking in the garden, the wind blew your hair and it touched my face. It was so soft and it smelled like vanilla and coffee and you. And ever since that moment, it got stuck in my mind and all I want to do is run my fingers through it._

“I just guessed,” Cosima lied.

There was an awkward silence between them, until Delphine spoke again. “I hate to be the one to say it, but we should really do our assignments now. “

Cosima was still enwrapped in that tension that was almost always present between them when they weren’t talking about school. It couldn’t be shut off not even when Delphine let go of her hand and went to grab her books. In that moment, Cosima grasped her wrist. She was going to regret that later, but in that moment all she wanted was to drop her mask and test the waters.

“Cosima, what are you…”

But the brunette didn’t let her finish. After a few attempts, her shaking lips met Delphine’s. It was a quick, but desperate kiss that Cosima had been longing for ever since they held hands on the school’s corridor. Actually experiencing it, felt like a volcano had erupted inside Cosima’s chest.

The kiss wasn’t returned however, Delphine’s lips remaining frozen during the contact. It was to be expected after all. “I’m so sorry,” Cosima tried to apologize, but knew it was in vain. She had managed to ruin everything they had.

Delphine stood up, biting her lips. With her back turned to Cosima, her heart broke when she heard her sobbing quietly.

“Non, ma chérie. I…am just surprised, that’s all,” she tried to convince her and placed a hand on her shoulder gently.

Cosima shook her head. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m sorry,” she repeated and removed Delphine’s hand.

But Delphine wasn’t going to give up on her so easily. She caressed Cosima’s cheek, even though the girl kept nodding her head and crying. Then she did it. She closed the distance between them and started kissing her.

Cosima kissed her back, her heart beating as fast as ever, touching, tasting and doing everything she had always dreamed of.  Those 20 seconds were the best in her life.

When they stopped, they were both red-faced and flustered. The tension was still there, but it was a different kind of tension.

Cosima thought she would have felt relieved and ecstatic if a scenario like that had occurred. But to be honest with herself, she was also scared. They had feelings for each other, now what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and sorry for the upcoming hiatus.
> 
> Till next time lovelies,  
> Care.


	5. She was the morning sound and the sparkle of stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a week since things took a different turn in our relationship. I still find myself smiling like a fool, while thinking about the first time my lips touched hers. So soft and delicate, still tasting like those Eskimo Pies I brought her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sorry in advance for the upcoming ramble  
> It's funny how last time I said there would be a hiatus, but not even I expected it to be this long. I went on a lovely vacation, where no matter how hard I tried to write, my muse wouldn't cooperate. And then I came home and I was very tired and not completely unexpectedly, I was hit with waves of depression and anxiety. Stuff(big and important) are happening in my life this year. I'm better now, I guess. For the few people out there(you seem so many tho and I love each and every one of you) I've decided to push my mental issues and insecurities away for a while and give it a try. To be honest, writing makes me happy. And for the first time in weeks, I feel happy.  
> This chapter, I will focus on Cosima and her audio journal. You'll see why I came up with this idea later in the story.  
> That's all, enjoy!

//

Dear diary,

I don’t even know how to start. I haven’t said a thing in ages. I don’t even know if this is recorded. And my voice sounds weird. _Too many Eskimo pies_ , Mom said. Oh well…

It’s been a week since things took a different turn in our relationship. I still find myself smiling like a fool, while thinking about the first time my lips touched hers. So soft and delicate, still tasting like those Eskimo Pies I brought her. I know she loves them, too, now. I’m sorry about her fit body though. No, scratch that. She’s perfect anyway.

I thought that things will change, now that we changed. I _saw_ …yeah I wish…I witnessed it happen to Sarah and Cal. One day he brings her flowers and then she gets flustered when Mom starts joking about how in love she is. Next day, they don’t speak to each other and Cal comes by our house and she won’t leave her room. They’re funny like that.

I was wrong. We’re still the same except that now we kiss and hold hands, not necessarily because I need guidance, but because I want to feel her skin against mine more often. At one point, I told her she was like a puppy and we both started laughing because yeah, I’m pretty good at this being blind job, but I still need her help. _“Like a guide puppy, right?”_ she asked. During the night following the same day, her text woke me up. She had been late studying as usual and the fact that she thought about me even then, well that was heartwarming and I didn’t mind being awaken. _“And you’re just like a kitten. Always getting your way,”_ she said in her text. I felt cheeky, as she started to call me the previous day, so I replied _“Meow”_. Yeah, I did it. We talked more on the subject and we laughed like idiots until one of us fell asleep. That was me of course.

And now I’m getting to the part that made me return to this diary. After I fell asleep, I had this dream. It was so strange. Up until that point, my dreams consisted in sounds, smells, you get my point. This time, I was on a valley covered in flowers. Delphine was there, too. I saw her. Flash and bone. I will never know if that’s how she looks like, but in that moment, I knew it was her. The intensity of the dream was so strong, that I woke up, gasping for air, with tears in my eyes. I felt like that day we met, when the sun was playing tricks on me. I don’t think I’m getting my eye sight, but if Delphine’s face is all I’ve got, that’s enough for me.

Apart from the kisses, my favorite part in our relationship is the morning texts. One day we’re all

_Bonjour, ma cherie!_

and next day

_This bed misses you._

No, no, no, don’t get me wrong. We haven’t yet reached _that_ part. That doesn’t mean I’m not constantly thinking about it. And now I’m blushing. Great.

The hardest thing was telling people around me about Delphine. That also implied coming out, which was surprisingly easy. Mom had tears in her eyes. _“Of joy, Cosima. We love you and we’re happy for you,_ ” Sarah later told me, reassuringly.  The twin was pretty excited about the perspective of now being able to go on double dates. I was not. Scott kinda pushed me away for a day, which was to be expected after all. And I felt so guilty because I knew how he felt; I knew he had a serious crush on me, that I could never reciprocate. But then he started talking to me again at school and all three of us ended up going to the library after classes and study there. He was a goofball around Delphine, but then again, that’s probably how I used to act like in her presence as well.

Life is good. For now. I’m really enjoying it. Now I’m actually going to her place to do some crazy science…no, that’s not an innuendo. It’s just crazy science.

Okay, that’s all for now. Maybe I’ll be back soon.

//

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought about this chapter. It would mean a lot and I will love your forever.  
> Thanks for reading!  
> -C


	6. She was hope and whispers in the dark - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm officially back! I deeply apologize for the long wait, I suck at keeping promises. Also, I should be speaking about something else, too. I don't know how I've found the necessary strength to write this chapter. Things have been wild globally. Two weeks ago, my country has suffered one of the most devastating incidents in recent history. Then yesterday I woke up with the terrifying news about Paris. You need to stay strong, wherever you are. These are very hard times, but if we lose our hope, then we are left with nothing. 
> 
> This chapter is barely edited so I apologize for any mistakes I probably made. Also, this chapter will be divided into several parts. Part I is up. Enjoy!

On Saturday morning, Cosima woke up with 2 voice mails from Delphine. She  grinned excitedly and listened.

_“Happy 2 weeks anniversary, ma cherie!”_

**beep**

_“I hope you don’t have any plans for tonight. I would like to ask you on a date. A real one. Call me when you can.”_

She couldn’t believe Delphine was also keeping track of the time they had been going out. The fact that she was also asking her on a date, made Cosima feel over the moon. They often went to lunch after school or concerts, but most times, they were accompanied by Scott or certain classmates. This was going to be different. And Delphine clearly had serious plans.

She called Delphine a couple of minutes after, feeling nervous and praying her voice wouldn’t shake. “Happy anniversary, babe! I actually do have plans though…” Of course, she had to fool around even now. It was her game and she was winning every time. Almost.

It took Delphine some time to speak. “That’s fine. We can…”

Cosima interrupted her quickly. “…with my amazing girlfriend. She asked me on a date.”

Delphine laughed, but Cosima knew she was rolling her eyes at the same time. She got her again. “You cheeky…for a moment I thought you were actually busy. Miss Niehaus, I think it’s time I taught you a lesson.”

Cosima felt her cheeks begin to burn. That sounded like the beginning of dirty talk, which was too early, even for her. Still, she played along. “What lesson? Are you going to hide the truffles when I’m around? You know us blind people have a stronger sense of smell . “

“It’s worse than that. You don’t get to come around today. You’ll study without me. And only when it’s 6, I’ll come pick you up for the date.”

Cosima snorted and waited for Delphine to tell her it was a joke. But she remained quiet. “Oh, you’re being serious. Miss Cormier, you’ve upped your game. But it’s only 9 hours until we meet, I can survive it,” she finished, triumphantly. She had lots of studying that would keep her mind busy, right?

“Without texts and phone calls?”

“Exactly. And the same applies to you.”

“Bien. I’ll see you at 6 then. “

“I won’t miss you. Bye!”

Only when she hung up, she realized she forgot to ask Delphine where they were headed. It would be a long Saturday.

…

 By 12, Cosima had already wanted to reach Delphine 3 times. First, she wanted to share a song that reminded her of the blonde. Then, she was simply bored. The third time she almost clicked her name. She was just missing Delphine that much. She wondered whether the French was going through the same things in her apartment. _Damn her stupid jokes and bravado,_ Cosima thought.

It was really funny how Delphine had become such an essential part of her life. And it only took a moment, followed by many others. She was in love with her and that feeling was only getting more intense with every part of Delphine that she was slowly discovering.  There was nothing about her she didn’t like. Her flaws, if they could be counted as that, only made her more complex. Still, there were so many things she didn’t know about Delphine, but she hoped she’d have the occasion to ask about them tonight.

At 4, she began to feel the excitement butterflies in her stomach.  She also realized she hadn’t thought about what she could wear. Before trashing her drawer, she decided to seek help from her sister.

She knocked on the door, but it was hard to make herself heard over the loud music and the laughs that were filling the room. At least they weren’t having sex.

Cosima let herself in. “Sorry to bother you guys.  Sarah, I need you for a moment. “ She was still very much embarrassed.

Sarah turned the volume down and kissed Cal. “Behave. I’ll be right back,” she told her boyfriend. She followed Cosima out of the room and after shutting the door, she turned to her sister. “What is it?”

Cosima played nervously with the sleeves of her shirt. “I’m going out and I have nothing to wear.”

“Oh, my sister got herself a hot date tonight. Let’s find you something then!”

Cosima wanted to tell her it was none of her business, but she knew better than to argue with the punk.

“So where are you guys going?” Sarah asked, looking  through the drawer.

“That’s the thing. I don’t know. But she’s French, so it’s probably some fancy restaurant. Should I wear a dress?” Cosima whined.

Sarah thought for a moment. “No. It’s harder to take off. A skirt is better.”

Cosima threw her pillow in her twin’s direction. She missed her gloriously. “I won’t be taking it off. Why would I be taking it off?”

Sarah threw her pillow back. “Relax, I was just testing you, nerd. Ok, you should try your golden skirt with the white sweater. Elegant, but not really. “

She took a deep breath. Did she have to worry though? They were just going to have dinner and then Delphine would bring her home. They’d have a heated make-out session and then they’d say their goodbyes. She was feeling nervous for no reason.

Even with her sister’s help, she managed to be late as usual. At exactly 6, she heard the bell ring. She still had to put her hair in a bun and apply lipstick. Fuck.

Luckily, Sarah opened the door for the blonde and invited her inside. Cosima tried to rush, because the last thing she wanted was to let Sarah around Delphine for too long. She knew Sarah had a way of scaring away her significant ones.

Cosima walked down the stairs several minutes after, her heart beating hard. She thought about how gorgeous Delphine definitely looked and her heart broke again. Her eyes were cursed to never see that beauty.

“Hey, babe. Sorry for the wait. I hope my sister didn’t weird you out completely. “

Delphine greeted her with a soft peck on the lips and cupped her face gently. “No, she’s alright. She did tell me that if I break your heart, she’s going to break my bones or something but…”

“Oh my God…I’m so sorry. “ Just like she thought. She needed to have a word with Sarah. Didn’t she have any limits?

“I told her she didn’t have to worry. By the way, you look beautiful, ma cherie. “

Cosima kissed Delphine’s knuckles. “Thank you. You, too. Not that I’d ever get to see that,” she bit her lip and stopped a tear from rolling down her cheek. She had been way too emotional the entire day.

Delphine took her hand in hers. “Actually, there’s something that I want to share regarding those lovely eyes of yours. “

Cosima blushed. “What is it?”

Delphine took a deep breath. “You might finally have a chance at getting your eye sight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cosima's outfit: http://weheartit.com/entry/207338029/search?context_type=search&context_user=anjajaap7&query=bohemian+skirt  
> Delphine's: http://weheartit.com/entry/172655030  
> Did I manage to spark your interest? Part 2 is coming next weekend.  
> Till then, stay safe my lovelies,  
> -C


	7. She was hope and whispers in the dark - Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her mind craved for something that was taken away from her the day she was born. And even though she showed up in her dreams, how could she ever be sure that the girl who glowed like the sun was her girl?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to thank everyone who left comments, kudos, subscribed or read my previous chapter. The feedback was impressive. I wanted to share a few things about this chapter, but in order to avoid spoilers, I put them at the end.  
> Sadly, I won't be updating next week because I have an upcoming partial exam that has already taken control over my life. Still, you have all the reasons to look forward to the next chapter *winks*.
> 
> The part between the lines is a flashback, while the words written in Italic are often Cosima's thoughts, as this story is written from her perspective. Enjoy!

“Look, I appreciate you doing all this research for me. I know you want me to be normal, but…” Cosima began, after letting Delphine explain her findings.

Delphine dropped her fork on the plate and it produced a loud sound, having several people turn their heads towards the couple’s table. She nodded her head and sighed. “This is not me trying to make you normal, Cosima. I just want you to get to see what this world has to offer you. You have a real shot at this. “

Cosima sighed and tried to keep her composure. “You don’t understand. My blindness was not progressive. I was born blind. I wouldn’t know the difference. Why risk my life and become some crazy surgeon’s experiment? “

Delphine stared at the now cold food on her plate, trying to find the strength to continue, but it was in vain. She ultimately excused herself and went to the restroom.

Cosima felt guilty for lashing out on Delphine, who genuinely wanted to help her. She wasn’t the first who tried to talk to her about a potential surgery. To be honest with herself, she was afraid, not only of the things that could have happened if something had gone wrong during the procedure, but of having all her hopes crushed.

Ever since Delphine came in her life, every day she found herself imagining how it would have been if she had been able to see. Hearing her voice, feeling her sweet perfume or tracing the curves of her lips before kissing them, never felt enough. Her mind craved for something that was taken away from her the day she was born. And even though she showed up in her dreams, how could she ever be sure that the girl who glowed like the sun was _her_ girl?

Delphine had probably spent a considerable amount  of time doing research for her and that only made her realize how blessed she was. The last thing she needed to do was raise her voice at her. This was their first real date and she somehow managed to ruin it.

Delphine returned to the table and they finished their food in silence. By the time the waiter came to collect their plates, they still hadn't spoken a word to each other.

"Would you like some dessert?

 

* * *

 

 

"One of the reasons I brought you here is because they have a fine selection of desserts that I know you're going to love," Delphine said and held the door open for Cosima.

They were quickly lead to their seats and Delphine began describing her the surroundings. It was something Cosima adored, even though most of the time she was too focused on the way Delphine was articulating the words, than to what they actually meant. Still, she nodded her head and smiled. Then Delphine read her the menu and to Cosima's surprise, there were plenty of French words in there. It was all music to her ears.

"Don't they have truffles? With like ice-cream or something? All those fancy names aren't telling me anything."

"The truffles are in the fridge. Along with the ice cream. I would like to try the crème brûlée. What do you think?" Delphine asked nonchalantly.

Cosima's heart skipped a beat. _Did she mean...  ._ She hoped her cheeks hadn't betrayed her, because she was definitely feeling hot on the inside. And certainly not ready for whatever Delphine's words had implied. "Delphine...I..."

"May I take your order?"

 

* * *

 

That conversation felt like it had happened ages ago. Cosima's sole worry now was whether Delphine would forgive her or not.

"Non, merci. We would like the note, s'il vous plaît."

"Del, I'm really sorry. Don't go," Cosima begged.

"I shouldn't have said anything. It's your choice. It's your life."

Cosima fought back tears. "I'm afraid." Why couldn't she have said it sooner?

"Oh, mon amour..." Delphine whispered and grabbed Cosima's hand. "I haven't thought. I just..."

"It's fine. Everything you told me, it sounds kind of great. I just have to think about it for a while. " She gently played with Delphine's fingers and tried to ease her nervousness."Let's tell that waiter that we changed our mind and stay. I don't want this day to end like this."

"It won't. The truffles are still there if you want to come to my apartment."

Cosima smirked and nodded her head. _Is she even real_? "Well, I never say no to an after-party."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried something a little bit different for this chapter. I suppose you also didn't expect the angst, but it was necessary. And there will be more angst soon. The title of the story contains a verb in the Past Tense for a reason after all.


End file.
